i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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