That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
