You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
