you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
