Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
