so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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