Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
