WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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