Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
