i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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