there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
