yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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