You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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