I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
