he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
