mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
