You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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