You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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