I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
