That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
