so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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