Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
