someone threw a dead crab at me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
