I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
