Can i not drive my cunt home
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
