I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize