who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize