Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
