Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
