"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
