my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
