That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
