hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
