There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
