I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
