We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
