my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
