I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
