Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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