There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
