she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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