Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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