after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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