You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
