We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
