I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
