angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
