i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
