Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
