I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
