Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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