It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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