I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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