He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
