hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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