I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize