out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
