so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
