you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
