There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
