Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
