He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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