Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
