I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
