just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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